The idea of writing a memoir popped into my head when I had an appointment with Dr. Bender. (She has known me since I was diagnosed with Crohn’s, because she is the person the GI staff refer kids to if they are having problems adjusting. That’s what happened to me. My mind refused to cope with the idea I had Crohn’s. My mother saw I was having problems adjusting, and I was referred to Dr. Bender. I continued to see her for 2 years, once a month or every 2 months. After I got over the shock of having this diagnosis, we worked a little on my sticky social problems in elementary school.
Then when I came to Latin School, I was finding I didn’t really want to waste a whole day at the doctors on a continuous basis, and she went on maternity leave so I stopped seeing her.
Fast-forward almost five years. It’s the winter of junior year, and I’m beginning to feel myself crumble. I reached out for someone with a pysch degree and ended up just going back to her. I still see her whenever I’m home, even four years later. )
Even though I’m only 21 years old, I know that I have lived, seen, and felt things that could be put into a book and sold. I guess the biggest question is can they all fit together and tell a story?
Lived: Growing up in Charlestown, I quickly noticed a duality about the neighborhood. There were the stories my father and his family and friends would tell. These stories of an Old Charlestown were told so often and so vividly that if I squinted I could see it. But then when I looked closer I could see the New Charlestown that came in right after I was born. The irony is that I have heard my father say that he would not want to raise his family in the Charlestown he grew up in.
There are other dualities in my life. I really am a child of two worlds (if not more). Spock has nothing on me 😉
Seen: I am a Millennial as I was born in 1988. I was in seventh grade when 9/11 happened. I really do think I came of age as a result of that. (I wrote a post on it back in September) I am constantly online, connected somehow through email, twitter, facebook. But I still remember how to disconnect myself for a few hours – it’s harder at school, that’s for sure. I still can get lost in a book.
Felt: There’s a reason why I titled this post Resilience. There is one thing about me that no one can ever take away. That is my resilience. I like to downplay my Crohn’s and my Depression, because I never really consider myself that sick. But even if I stop taking anti-depressants, and stop seeing somebody, my Crohn’s still remains and it’s listed as a disability under the Americans with Disability Act. I’m blessed with the fact that it has remained pretty mild for the most part. But it is still a disability, and an invisible one. That’s probably sucks the most. I might be having a bad day, but you wouldn’t know it looking at me.
I’ve been through the wringer a couple of times, and have come out swinging. It might have taken me a while, but I can look back at how far I’ve come with pride.